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Lately, I’ve been feeling really awful about my body.

I go through phases of loving and hating my body when in reality, no one sees the changes but me. I won’t lie, I was definitely blessed growing up. Seemed like when I was a teenager, I could eat just about anything (and any amount) and wouldn’t see any of it show up on my body. But as I’m hitting the ripe old age of 24 (it’s a joke, please laugh), I’m finding that my metabolism is slowing down and things I eat are starting to affect my body more.

Since around November of last year, I let my fitness routine fall to shit. I definitely get a mild case of seasonal affective disorder when it starts to get cold outside, and it seems like along with my mood going down the drain, so did my motivation to go to the gym. I also just started to order stupid amounts of food delivery, instead of making the conscious effort to eat healthily. Who wants to trek out in the snow just to buy healthy groceries? Not me.

Shortly after, I took my 3 week trip to Asia. Although I did do a lot of walking on my trip, I ate just as much, and that definitely did not help my case.

It seemed like I kept finding more and more reason to be like “Oh I’ll go tomorrow” or “eh, it’s cold, I’m tired, I just want noodles”. And now, it’s May, my fitness motivation is slowly coming back, but I already have this immense anger at myself for letting myself go for so long. I definitely don’t want anyone to hate on me because they think I’m sitting here trying to complain that I’m fat—I know I’m far from being overweight… but how I see and feel about my body, definitely does not reflect what it probably looks like.

On my YouTube channel, I talk a lot about acceptance and self-love. But I sometimes feel like a fraud for preaching these topics, when I can’t even look in the mirror and not think “ew, where did THAT come from” and “okay…you’re DEFINITELY not allowed to eat anymore”.

So how do you rebound from 6 months of gluttony and hating your body? How can I REALLY train myself to just have a better relationship with food and the gym? I wanted to blame my weight gain on so many things—my new relationship, the cold, winter, SAD…but maybe it’s really just time to take responsibility for the shit that’s happening in my life.

I’m currently in Montreal still and trying to think of ways to get motivated to start hitting the gym again when I’m back in Vancouver. Before I left, I was starting to go to the gym 3 times a week. Once on my own, every Thursday with my friends, and then climbing at least once with Joel. I worked out once while I was here in Montreal. I know it’s not really just all about forcing myself to go to the gym, but rather, what I need to change in my life so that I can build back that habit of going automatically.

Building Habit

Using your blog as your accountability buddy has long been a thing that bloggers do. So how can I use my blog to help me create some new habits.

While I’ve been in Montreal, I’ve been making an effort to at least wake up early. That’s one habit I also let go down the drain, as lying in bed an extra hour in the morning has become quality time I can spend with Joel. But with my sleep becoming less regulated, I also seemed to have let other habits die as well.

During this last week, I’ve been waking up either at 6 or 7 am (depending on how early I slept the night before) to get a couple of hours of work done before I woke up my sisters. We usually aim to leave the house at around 10 – 11 am so I work until 9 or 9:30 and then wake them up to get ready.

The goal is to continue waking up at 6 or 7 am while I’m in Vancouver, so I can have that extra hour or two in my day before I have to start work. Whether I use that time to clean the apartment, write, read, or blog…it’ll be good to work some structure back into my life and honour my body’s internal clock.

Little Things That Push Me To Go To The Gym

Beyond habit building, I also find that certain things help motivate me to actually get my ass to the gym. Yes, most of these things and more on the superficial side (how many pairs of gym tights does one girl REALLY need) but I do find that sometimes little things like buying a new workout outfit or a new BCAA flavour, really is all I need to get excited about working out again.

Buying A New Workout Outfit

Seriously, just try it. You’ll see why this is on every blogger’s list of things to do. There’s just something about knowing you have a new cute outfit to wear to the gym, that gets you excited to actually GET THERE. And that’s honestly the hardest part—peeling your ass from the couch and forcing your legs to walk you to your gym. I find that the excitement that generally comes with wanting to show off a cute new outfit is literally just enough to get me there.


I recently purchased their Flow Y Bra Nulu in Serene Blue (which definitely comes off as more of a lilac colour IRL) and Wunder Under High Rise Tights in Flower Pop White Silver Lilac, which has become my new favourite Spring workout outfit. My rule when it comes to workout clothes is letting myself to buy one outfit PER season. This way, I’m not going overboard with my leggings spending (which we ALL know is super easy to do at Lululemon).

If you’re just getting into going to the gym, and really not looking to spend so much money on workout clothes (I get it, that shit’s expensive), I recommend checking out H&M and Forever 21. They actually have some really cute workout clothes for cheap, and they actually don’t sacrifice the quality. I still have a pair of H&M leggings that I wear to the gym, that I purchased 5 years ago. I put a few styles that I recommend below.

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Watching Workout Videos On Instagram

I follow several fitness girls on Instagram, and watching their videos gets me so motivated and pumped up for the gym. Yes, there are some times where I’m eating lunch, and I come across one of their photos, and it makes me feel guilty. But most of the time it’s more motivating than anything.

Some of my favourite accounts to follow are KatieCrewe, WhitJYoung, Whitneyysimmons, Chandlernicoll, and Linnlowes.


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Planning My Workout On Fitlist

If you haven’t heard of Fitlist before, it’s a super intuitive workout log app that works great if you have the iPhone + Apple Watch combo. If you’re just using the iPhone, that actually works as well. But I personally love how well this app works on your Apple Watch.

Fitlist was designed to be used while you’re exercising.  They make it super easy to add, track, and complete exercises during or before your workout. I like to plan out my entire workout before I head to the gym (I usually watch IG videos to find some new exercises), and it’s become something that gets me excited to workout. Once I’ve planned the routine/workout I’m going to do for the day, it keeps me way way way more on track and focused, and makes sure that I don’t slack off while I’m there.

I’m excited to head back to Vancouver today. As much as I love going on vacation, one of my favourite feelings in the world is heading back home after one, feeling refreshed and ready to jumpstart my life again. My fitness journey is definitely an area of my life that I want to focus on, and I can’t wait to share the progress and my thoughts throughout with you!

Let’s do this together.

Angel Zheng

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